The War On Easter is Over: Liberals Admit Defeat
by: Rev. Dan
Dear Bill “Papa Bear” O’Reilly,
We are admitting defeat in the War On Easter.
We America-Hating, Post-Religious Liberals held a sekrit summit recently and realized that our attempts to undermine the True American Value of having precisely named religious holidays were in alignment with the goals and desires of the Anti-Christ. Since the perception of being aligned with the Anti-Christ will have significant negative political impact with the True American Evangelfundie Christian Majority, we anti-religious left-wing jackasses will agree to no longer use the word “Easter.”
We’ll now refer to the Holy-Day-Formerly-Known-As-Easter as “The Resurrection of Jesus Christ, Wholly Man, Wholly God, Sacrificed Lamb, Savior, Healer, Baptizer in the Holy Spirit, and Soon Returning King Day.”
Nobody seemed to buy into the idea that there really was a War on Christmas, so sorry we were so lax in waging it.
Yours Truly,
The One True Reverend Dan Tripp
Friend to You and Me
Update:
Apparently, it wasn’t necessary to concede defeat… Papa Bear said there is not attack on Easter. Damn it, I already agreed to go with the more accurate name. C’mon Bill, some consistency, please! (Yes, it’s hilariously ironic for me to ask for consistency.)
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