Environmental Fucktardery
by: Rev. DanA while back I bought a bunch of DVDs from a Reformed online bookseller. Sometimes I’m a glutton for punishment, and like to order Apologetics videos. I’ve watched a number of them and have been rather underwhelmed by the arguments presented (they lack intellectual rigor… to say the least), or I’ve just flat-out been angry about the steady stream of Faith vs. Reason and the “there is no morality apart from God’s Law, the Inerrant Bible” line of crap. But y’know, what should I really expect from a Reformed online bookseller or Apologetics videos?
They periodically send me sales e-mails, and they contain bits like these [stuff in brackets is commentary]:
Global warming…it has been called the greatest threat facing humanity today [Pshaw! As if the homosexual agenda wasn’t more important to combat than global climate changes]. Among those addressing its supposed [”supposed” because we obviously don’t believe in it because it doesn’t make us feel good] challenges are Christians, people whose faith and worldview require care for the planet (stewardship) as well as love for their neighbor and future generations [insert your own examples of “Christian love” and “stewardship” here - the Crusades spring immediately to mind]. Enter the Evangelical Climate Initiative (ECI) [essentially: “let’s ignore the alleged climate change,” no?] and a significant effort on the part of churches, ministries and individuals to answer this new “call to action” [to use this as an opportunity for evangelism instead of addressing the Global Warming “non-problem.”]
But not everybody agrees that the increase in global temperature is significant or human-induced or will necessarily lead to catastrophic climate change [Crackpots, mystics, and lunatics around the world disregard the overwhelming consensus of the scientific community {global warming is a crisis facing humanity} in favor of really old, irrelevant texts written by other crackpots, mystics, and lunatics. If there’s no consensus, it can’t be true. {wait… if that’s the case… then if there’s no consensus around Christianity…}]. Adaptation [evolving very quickly] rather than mitigation [ignoring vs. acting] may be the best and most biblically sound approach [because y’know, the Bible answers every question… like “what’s the last digit of pi.”], particularly when the supporters of mitigation are advocating greater government control over industry and CO2 emissions [because we just cannot, as Christians, allow the government to intervene with the affairs of our corporate interests].
In the spirit of Proverbs 18:17 (“The one who states his case first seems right, until the other comes and examines him.”) [Al Gore is a big fat liar… see, the Bible says so], Union University sponsored a formal debate on the issue between two premier Christian scholars [because science is so totally irrelevant when it comes to the natural world that involving a scientist is absolutely out of the question].
The most amazing part of this e-mail is this bit: “Adaptation rather than mitigation may be the best and most biblically sound approach, particularly when the supporters of mitigation are advocating greater government control over industry and CO2 emissions.” They basically gave away their pro-corporate position and are, in effect, arguing for humanity to hurry up and evolve.
This is a nutter idea (when in Rome, or dealing with “Christians…”), but: Christians like these think there shouldn’t be government involvement in corporate dealings. How about creating a “Christian Sandbox” community for these people and then allowing corporations to settle nearby, without any government involvement or regulation. Instead of calling for mitigation or outside help they could adapt to the chemicals and toxins dumped into the water supplies and airspace of the Christian Sandbox community, and learn to pray away the effects of toxins and poisons. After all, adaptation (and survival of the fittest) is God’s plan, as outlined in His Inerrant, Inspired Word, the Bible.
He said to them, “Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation. Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned. And these signs will accompany those who believe: In my name they will drive out demons; they will speak in new tongues; they will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well.”
Contemporary Christianity- “Logic, Reason, Science, and ‘Common Sense’: we needeth not these false heathen gods.”
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