Wired’s Top 10 Creationist Discoveries of All Time
by: Rev. DanI’d completely missed this “April Fool’s Day” post from Wired but it’s really funny, except that it’s also kinda scary because several of “jokes” are really just quotes from arguments Creationists use:
Top 10 Creationist Discoveries:
- 10. T. rex ate coconuts
- According to experts at the Creation Museum, our favorite predatory dinosaur would have fit right in at Whole Foods.
- 9. The Earth is only six thousand years old
- Carbon-13 and potassium argon dating are myths created by the devil to cast doubt on the existence of God.
- 8. Stem Cells are evil
- Curing terrible diseases is not worth the trouble of sacrificing some abandoned eggs from the deep freeze at a fertility clinic.
The best part ’bout that link isn’t the actual article, though… it’s definitely the massive number of knee-jerk jackass comments from Christianists, hunters, and NASCAR fans! There’s some amazing lunacy lurking in there!
What most Creationists should be trying to discover (according to their “holy book”) is their local Jenny Craig*.
* and they should take me with ‘em.
Lessee… I know it’s an April Fools piece; but I wanna have a little fun, too!
10. T. rex ate coconuts
Nah. That was Stegasaurus. Or was the the Pteradactil (sp?)?
9. The Earth is only six thousand years old
6000 x 10^42, maybe. ;)
8. Stem Cells are evil
Yeah; I and other women should just keep our ova to ourselves. (Ditto for yours and other fella’s sperm.)
7. NASCAR is the official sport of the spiritually enlightened
I hate NASCAR. I think it’s boring. I must not be spiritually enlightened.
6. Guns were created by God to kill deer
And here I thought guns were created by God so he could inspire the founders to write the Second Amendment and make some people think, “But I don’t want bear arms! I like my own.”
5. Liberals are evil
Yep, nevermind that liberals are more into social justice, that “blue states” have a lower divorce rate (or even, IIRC, a lower rate of teen pregnancy), and all that stuff. They’re (and I am, even though I’m a professing Christian) evil scum!
But then, like I said, I also hate NASCAR. So I’ve been doomed for a while, apparently.
4. Civil Liberties are for sissies
I suppose the rest of the Bill of Rights is for sissies, too, right? ;) Let’s hear it for a dominionist, theocratic republic! w00t! ;)
3. President Bush can look directly into our souls.
Is there some weird portal into my brain (a la Being John Malcovitch) that I don’t know about?
2. Iraq had ties to Al-Qaeda, was enriching Uranium, and all that jazz.
And why did they all believe it? Because GWB said so! And he hears from God!
1. Evolution is a myth.
Nevermind that passage in the Bible that says we (Christians, that is) are changed (or, if you like, EVOLVED) “from glory to glory”.
I haven’t even gotten to the comments. takes a peek What, no one has a sense of humour anymore? Gawd.