Memories: Cool Church Lady (Not Dana Carvey!)
by: Rev. DanLarro has a knack for finding great images…
This one reminded me of a couple of stories:
A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away I took a couple of the youth group kids out and we toilet papered our church. The pastor privately told me that he thought it was awesome that we’d done that (the dude totally “got me,” we were good friends), but that the timing had been bad (we did it on a Friday) because there had been a wedding scheduled for the next day. Doh! I totally wouldn’t have done it (when we did) had I known…
Several weeks later, after the hullabub had died down (several members of the congregation had suggested crucifying me, almost literally), one of the retired ladies who was on a fixed income pulled me aside after a service. She told me that she’d run out of toilet paper at home and didn’t have enough cash to get more. She said that she was thinking about that when she showed up before service and that a full roll that’d gotten stuck in a branch fell to the ground as she started up the walkway.
I replied: “the Lord works in mysterious ways.”
We laughed and laughed…
I used to spend a bit of time with that lady, both because she was a solo person who didn’t get out and about much due to health issues, etc. and because she was just hella-cool to be around. We’d met at church and I was always really at ease with her because she had a great sense of humor and was really a fabulous person… really caring and genuinely kind.
One time we’d gone out to get coffee or something and I was driving her back home. She reached over and tightly grabbed my arm. I looked at her and saw a big truck whose driver had apparently decided that stop signs are completely optional and/or inapplicable to himself racing through the intersection. I slammed my brakes and barely avoided hitting him. After I made it through the intersection I pulled over to catch my breath (’cause it was a close one!) and when we’d regained our composure I said to her:
“I appreciate you trying to tell me to stop, but I think maybe grabbing ahold of my arm is not very effective. Hopefully there won’t be a ‘next time but if there is, please verbally indicate that something’s going on… I’d think it’d be appropriate to scream “FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!” (I’d yelled that last bit), and she burst out laughing.
A couple of months later, right after my birthday, we were hanging out and she told me that she’d tried to get a special birthday cake for me. She explained that she’d gone to several bakeries in the Bay Area and none of them would agree to make it. I had no idea what kind of “special cake” she’d been trying to make, but she told me that several of the bakeries had abruptly “kicked her out” after she asked if they’d make the cake. She said that the lady at the last bakery she’d gone to said that they’d be unable to make it but had been pretty cool about the whole thing and that she’d offered a workaround:
The bakery lady’s suggestion was to get four cupcakes and put one letter on each… to spell out F-U-C-K.
I (rightfully) bash on church a lot… but I definitely got to know some really cool people because of it.
Not all churchgoers are evil. Some are just ignorant. Most people, I think, don’t know that they can help themselves.
I used to pray and give thanks and hope that I could be happy. I would try to be good so i could get into heaven. I’d settle for purgatory but not hell. PLEASE! not hell. As a catholic I know that so many of those preist were gay. I remember a few imparticular who always had to give me a hug. Ultimately I feel bad for them.
I’ve talked to Dan about how I feel. I think I am my own judge. I decide if I suceed or fail, whatever that means to me. I try not to let the various belief systems I’ve encountered throughout my life effect how I feel about myself. I try and focus on how I really feel, deep in my heart. That is who I answer to. No more “good” and “bad”. No more judgment. Just me.
I found that there are many elements in life. A gammet (spelling) of emotions, all valid. A barage (spelling) of ideas and thoughts, some sick and twisted, some beautiful and romantic.
No one can deny that the world is made up of all these things. Peopl don’t seperate good from evil because it is a law of nature, they do it because of what they think, what makes them uneasy versus what makes them feel good. BOOM! There it is Right and Wrong. Bad boys play with pp’s.
I have a problem living my life according to what someone else thinks or has thought. I’ll make up my own mind. I’ll feleaysh myself if the mood strikes me.
I think health is key. Mental stability. Ask someone you can trust if yer nuts. Chances are you have some work to do.
The church never taught me how to REALLY love myself. Not that I hated myself by any means but the church never taught me how to look at my behavior.
I love you Colin. A whole lot.